Written by Lilo Aurora
Earlier today, I wanted to get a refill for my coffee and poured it in the mug that I had used before. After I had poured the coffee, I suddenly felt a pull to take one of the small colored cups out of the cabin and poor the coffee in there. I thought, “That’s odd? Why would I do that? I already poured my coffee in another cup…” I realized, “this first feeling was inspired and joyful. The thought that came in after feels more like a block to following this inspiration.” So I decided to follow the initial idea and took out the beautiful, colored cup.
A twinkle in my heart. A smile came on my face. It felt really fun to do. I put it on the table and started pouring the coffee from the one cup into the other. Then, coffee spilled on the table, and right away a bunch of thoughts rushed in, “Shit! You see…? How stupid. This is your fault. You really didn’t need to take another cup. What was the point of this? You are stupid and worthless.”
I noticed the thoughts enter my mind and realized quite soon, “Wow, what a downer these thoughts are. They are so harsh. That must mean they have come from the ego who always speaks unloving and tries to distract me away from following the inspiration and love in my heart.” So I started questioning the thoughts: “If Spirit—the unconditional love that is always available for me—Who is loving, excepting all and everything exactly as it is, can I then truly be judged as having done something wrong and stupid? Can I then truly be worthless, like the ego said?
After meditating in these questions for a moment, I felt, “No… The ego obviously seems to be judging me, but is Spirit or Love judging me right now for this? No… That must be impossible. So if I am not being judged right now by Spirit or Love, then these ego judgments don’t mean anything. And if they don’t mean anything, and if it isn’t coming from Love but from the ego, are they mine? Am I ego? No… I am not the ego. And anything that blocks the present moment joy and inspiration must be meaningless and unreal and does not apply to me.
So there is nothing to be anxious, doubtful or worried about here. Without judgments, there is only love and all-acceptance, unconditionally.
Then whenever I believe I am judging or am being judged, is this really real? No… It can’t be. Judgments are from the ego, and I am not the ego. And since the ego’s thoughts are not real, I was only identifying with something false and unreal, believing to be capable of doing something right or wrong as the ego said. I believed to be a victim of a choice I made. Ultimately, I believed I was separate from Love, and because of that was capable of judging and being judged.
The blame and guilt of the ego were already in my mind when the coffee was spilled, and so I felt its emotions and heard its thoughts. In following the prompt with the coffee cup, these beliefs, thoughts and emotions were flushed up again.
Only in believing and in identifying with the egos beliefs and thoughts, did I seem to have forgotten who I Truly Am. Momentarily I experienced lack of peace, but as soon as I became aware of what was actually going on on the mind level and took a “step back,” I was able to look at it from a point of quiet observation, a.k.a with Spirit or in non-dual terms, Awareness.
These ego thoughts only came to the surface to be seen and noticed, for me to become aware off, but I didn’t have to hold onto them and believe I actually did something wrong, or that something happened that wasn’t supposed to.
I realized I couldn’t have done it any other way, because this is how it happened. I was always going to take the cup and spill the coffee. It was scripted to do so and I couldn’t go back in the past to redo something, neither did I want to hold onto the belief that I can go back in time and change something that has already happened, imagining that this would bring me happiness and peace.
Nothing the ego tells me has ever any validity, since its thoughts aren’t loving and inspired. It comes from a false belief in mind that there is something other than Love.
Spirit wants me to be happy right now and remember my True Self as Spirit, as Love. I can choose for peace again and trust all is happening perfectly as it was supposed to.
I burst out in laughter. Joy rushed in and warmed my heart.
Thank you so much for reading!
All my love,
Lilo
One Silent Mind 