Friend: I feel like I am losing it a bit. How do I operate in a world that I’m really trying to understand while also understanding, “The more I seek the more lost I feel?” It’s a never ending spiral. And I know you talk all the time about how to just relax and open up to the guidance of the true Self, becoming aware and mind-watching, but thought is always there even to tell us we are aware. Even experience is thought. Is there life without thought?
Even to observe thought is thought, like you are thinking about the fact you are observing thought. Is it just a matter of practicing? But if all is now then what’s the point of practicing. And I know all of these questions are the problem, but I don’t know what to do? I can’t escape the thoughts and I’ve tried, but thought always comes back. So do I just lay down and do nothing, and wait for the inevitable, or, I don’t know.
Dylan: Yeah, thanks for bringing up these points. The true Self is always in excitement when one is willing to get clear in mind.
For myself, I also entered this period of intellectualisation, where the ego is trying to understand the true Self beyond itself. So, it is here that ego thoughts suggest to one that everything is thought, and that there is nothing outside of or beyond the ego and its thoughts.
As one shifts one attention from the level of perception or the world to the level of mind, there seems to be a transitional phase of intellectualisation of spiritual pointers. The mind is still very misidentified with a false sense of self, so it still equates itself as the ego and misperceives the ego’s false thoughts as one’s true thoughts. Through one’s desire to awaken to peace combined with the intuitive guidance of the true Self, one opens to observing the ego and its unloving thoughts with non-judgement. This is often called mind-watching.
The purpose of the ego is judgement, therefore, the ego joins in on the seeming spiritual journey and suggests, “oh, you’re trying to transcend me? I’ve had you hooked for a millennia. Good luck, because there is nothing beyond me. There is only me. I am you and you are me.“
The purpose of the true Self is forgiveness, which is synonymous with non-judgement. Through bringing everything that is seen on the level of perception back to the level of mind, where the misidentification with the ego is, one is able to open to a higher perspective of the Dreamer of the Dream perspective where one watches what arises in mind without judgement.
In this gentle observation, one discerns the false from the true, what is ego and what is not ego. When one realises that most of the thoughts in mind are an effect of the ego—both equally unreal—one then recognise the falsity of the ego. The misidentification with the false ego-belief and its unloving thoughts was the only seeming error. One took on false responsibility for these false thoughts, where one then thought that one was the “judgemental one, angry one, the one in pain.”
The spiritual pointers were all pointing to the realisation that you are not the ego, that the Light of the true Self is ever-present as What You Truly Are right here and now. You can only get apples from apple trees. If the false sense of self is the seeming error and the imperfect one and you are not the ego, aren’t you, then, the Perfect, Whole and Complete Self?
In this recognition, there is no need to try and get rid of any thought, escape any thought, stop any thought; instead, there is a gentle and soft allowance, a non-judgemental observation of what is false with the awareness that it is not me, they are not “my thoughts.”
As I remember a beautiful tweet you posted about the ego being the thinker of thoughts. The ego, being unreal, does not exist. As the ego is overlooked, the true Self is remembered. One must awaken to the Dreamer of the Dream Perspective before remembering the Eternal non-perceptual Light on Oneness.
In terms of, “What should I do?” Relax, sweet one, relax. All the realisations and “aha” moments will come to you without effort, without actively trying to force something. In this relaxation, everything comes to you; a paradox to how you have been accustomed to know things.
You are right where you need to be right in this moment. One’s intuition, which is the essence of Being, is the how and will seem to do all the work guiding one, until you come to a point where you recognise yourself as That which is the Self guiding you.
Friend: Thank you so much. I just need to relax. I really need to chill out. But one more question, lol, how do you feel about desires? I know these human bodies can survive on way less than I consume, but is it wrong to like a variety of tastes or even things, and wanting to have certain experiences? Is it possible this is just the world I want to create? Take manifestation for example, (well manifesting what you actually want) if the objective is to disconnect from ego-thoughts then is it wrong to try to control your thoughts to gain desires?
Dylan: That is a great question. There was once a great poet called Rumi that said, “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a Field. I’ll meet you there.” The experience of consistent peace that one is recognizing—the Field, being the non-judgemental Presence of true Self—goes beyond the ideas of right and wrong.
So, in this sense, it comes back down to purpose—what is it for? Desire can be seen, initially, as a ladder. If one is focused on specifics, then one can only desire in terms of specifics. “I desire a car park. I desire this type of partner.”
If you have a desire for something, it is most practical and right for you to say that in this moment, “Okay Spirit, right now I have this desire/to manifest this, because I believe this is what brings me happiness and pleasure.” Here, you aren’t trying to act like you don’t desire something you currently do.
In this honesty, the guidance of the true Self will meet one where one believes it is and will use these desires as a stepping-stone. Following these intuitive prompts will seem to lead one up the ladder to the top, where one can step off the ladder and see that there was never a ladder. Then, you can ultimately see that, “Ah, my happiness can’t really be found in anything temporal like manifestation, food, sight, places, or sex. Yet, now I see that these were appropriate stepping-stones so that I could realise that my eternal Happiness and Pleasure is sourced from the recognition of the One essential Being.”
“Father, what is Your Will for me?” You can see that this is an abstract prayer, in contrast with, “Help me please get a parking spot.” The specifics, the split desires of a false sense of self, gives way to a singular desire for Peace, a singular desire for Self just as Jesus stated, “Let thine Eye be single.”
With a singular desire, you realise that the true Self You Are is the Will of God. When Your Will is God’s, You must experience the immediate fulfilment of that prayer. You already are what you are looking for, therefore, it takes no time to be What You Already Are!