Polyamory

Friend: Do you have any experience with polyamory? It’s becoming a part of my life and I never thought it would. My wife of 10 years has asked that we open our relationship and I’m scared to death. I know I shouldn’t be, and I’m way less scared than I was a few weeks ago when it was brought up. I’ve just been having a hard time with it and I don’t really know who to talk to. I feel like it’s a good thing in a way, though, because I’m being shown parts of my ego and negative feelings I didn’t know I was hiding.

Dylan: Dearest Friend,

I appreciate you sharing this with me! The Love in Heart is always so, so, so joyful when one is willing to share what is on one’s heart for release.

Yes, indeed, you are perfectly where you need to be in this moment and it’s great you are aware of the feelings that are being brought up inside. While the inner critic in mind will suggest otherwise, this is such a great leap forward. As the ego is exposed, one is on the very cusp of realising the deep, deep Love underneath any seeming pain.

Relationships, from a partner or briefly meeting someone, are an extremely important tool in regards to awakening from inner conflict. With every encounter, one is always only meeting oneself. That is why every encounter is such a blessing to the true Self. The world is only an effect or mirror of one’s state of mind. Therefore, when the mind is seemingly misaligned with a false sense of self one perceives the world accordingly. This often takes the experience of seeing a fearful, anxious, attacking, judgemental, and insane world.

One does not see that the insanity is only in the mind, being projected out onto the world of perception. That is why spiritual practice such as self-inquiry or the daily lessons of A Course in Miracles are so helpful in retraining the mind to re-perceive from the true, loving nature of Self.

While, initially, one’s attention is on the specifics of the world and relationship, with a little willingness to open to a new purpose one begins to open to mind-watching. There are false beliefs in mind that have been buried in the subconscious, and relationships are great at bringing what has been repressed up to the light of inquiry. One can begin to observe the ego in mind that comes in and is always jumping to conclusions, “because she wants this this means I’m not good enough for her, she doesn’t love me,” etc.

Emotions are always an effect of thought, so while these thoughts slip into awareness there may be an awareness of the ego’s fear, anxiety, worry, and anger that one is misidentified with. Yet, one can just observe these emotions aware that these temporal arisings are not who one truly is.

As you said, this is a great time to look at the parts of the ego that you may still be misidentified with. All of the false beliefs, assumptions, and conclusions around abandonment, not being loved, betrayal, and to just to recognise, without judgement, its falsity. With the helpful guidance of the true Self, experiences as well as insight will dawn that will allow the mind to loosen its grip with the false ego identity.

As one gets very clear on the purpose of the ego, the mind can then discern between what is ego and what is not. The false ego-belief in mind is the false belief in separation. This is the underlying belief that one has separated from Unity, God, or Love and now is a little, separate self in a world of time and space.

Using the analogy of a night dream, the mind views itself as one character separated from other characters, along with separate events happening to it. The mind that is asleep then assigns characters private minds of their own and says they are autonomous beings that have a reality in-and-of themselves.

You can start to see where the fear comes in. When the mind is trying to be what it is not and is misperceiving, fear can be the only result. The ego counsels, “You must now gain the approval of others because they will judge you if you do not live up to the assigned roles.” The whole trick of the ego is projection. It projects its own judgement onto a seeming other and claims that they are judging you. You can clearly see the whole trick for what it is, per this analogy, the dream is only in the mind of the dreamer. There is nothing separate in the dream in-and-of itself. It is impossible. It is all mind.

Lesson number 7 in A Course in Miracles is, “I see only the past.” It introduces to the mind that everything it perceives from a pencil to a cup, along with everything else, is all past. The mind is being asked to question how it knows what it knows. How does one know a cup is a cup but through past learning. How does one know what a relationship is meant to look like but through past learning and conditioning, which is all based on a false sense of self. The ego is the denial of the Present Moment, of true, total Relationship. This is where the guidance of the true Self is very important. The mind that was in Christ is also in you, and will help reinterpret what the mind seems to be perceiving as this guidance is outside of past learning.

Going a step further I’ll use an analogy of a movie. While watching a movie, one can’t control the movie it is watching but one always has direction of one’s state of mind. This is getting clear on form verses content. What one can control verses what is out of one’s control, and the wisdom to tell the difference. If perception is all past and out of one’s control, then it would be common sense for one to put all focus on how one views the movie.

Present trust, along with intuition, would settle every problem now.

As the mind starts to unwind from the false sense of self and its backwards thoughts, as I said before, discern between what is ego and what is not. As what is false is judged correctly, as false, what is true must shine As It Is in awareness. As one overlooks the ego in mind, one’s true Self is remembered. As one remembers the Oneness of Self, relationship is experienced in its truest sense, that one is always in relationship with God.

All fear seen in the world rested on the false belief of separation, in duality, in multiplicity. Yet, if the true Self is One what is there to fear? Who is there to gain approval from? Who is there to be in relationship with or not if you have always been in relationship with everyone and everything, at all moments?

I like to look at it this way. Using the dream analogy, if all the characters and dreamscape is in the mind of the dreamer, then awakening is all about expanding the Love in Heart from one person and expanding it out to include everyone and everything else. The experience of Oneness is the experience of a deep, unconditional Love for everyone and everything, knowing there is no separation. That is what Love is, the experience of unity or Oneness beyond the worldly appearances. This is the natural experience of Self. Everything else is just all part of the plan beyond the form to help the mind awaken to the Self that never slept.

I’m always here if you need to express anything, as you are never alone in anything you experience as it is all working out for good. You’re right where you need to be to continue extending the Love that You Are.

Love you exactly as you are ❤

Friend: I think this is exactly what I needed to hear… thank you Dylan!