The Fear of Abandonment

This blog was written as a stepping-stone pointing to the recognition of one’s true Self—the experience of Inner Peace beyond intellectual understanding!

As relationships part there can be many unconscious beliefs and unquestioned thoughts that arise within awareness. Effects of these entail feelings of upset, loss, hurt, anger, or abandonment. Often going unseen, the fear of abandonment is the most common belief that arises into awareness at “the end” of relationships. 

As these deep feelings of hurt are brought up for one to see as false, one is given the opportunity to re-feel them without judgement or repression. These are emotions that wanted to be seen once before, yet, were suppressed because one didn’t want to look at them, becoming unconscious. Every event, properly perceived, becomes an opportunity for healing. You are given the opportunity to look at all of the unquestioned thoughts and assumptions to see its falsity, and, ultimately, impossibility.

As the mind seems to misidentify with the ego and think with it, one experiences its upsetting thoughts, upsetting emotions, and distorted perceptions. However, as with everything, they can be used by the true Self for the healing of the mind to bring the mind back to consistent peace. As one brings false beliefs to the light of inquiry, only the light will remain. Just as when you turn a light on both the light and darkness in the room cannot co-exist.

As one exposes these thoughts through inquiry, seeing them as false, realisations can start to spark in the mind. In my own experience, when a relationship ended I was aware that the choice to feel angry and sad is a choice not to see beliefs such as, “I can be abandoned,” as a present decision in the mind. With this one belief, by believing this one unquestioned belief, “I can be abandoned,” the effectual upsetting emotions and perceptions of the world seem to arise.

For example, when one desires to seemingly overlook one’s true Self, in this moment misidentifying with a false sense of self, the false effects of misidentifying with this belief of abandonment can be seen as: firstly, experiencing fear thoughts such as, “I am unloved, they do not like me;” secondly, feelings of upset are experienced as sadness, anger, or loss; the last effect may play out as projecting anger and guilt onto someone and closing off because of the arising emotions.

What you do comes from what you think. Feeling sad and angry is the ego’s attempt to prove that one can be a victim of the world, and that its false projections are justified because of it. It is an attempt to see the cause as something in the world or perception, forgetting that it is only myself who is doing everything to myself; that the cause is on the level of mind, in the misidentification with the ego.

Through inquiry, the loved one which was of blame and the target of projection can now be seen as always being innocent! Not of blame but of gratitude, for letting you see this misidentification that needed to be raised to doubt.

In that moment it was not them that didn’t love me, it was I who misidentified with the ego and did not love my Self. It was not them that abandoned me, but I who abandoned my Self though misidentifying with the ego. Yet, not wanting to take responsibility for this unknowingly blamed others and made them a target.

You can be seemingly hurt only by misidentifying with the false ego-belief and its unloving thoughts. When you question these thoughts and the misidentification to them, the made up movie that is happening in the imagination dissolves. Abandonment, loss, and not being loved are seen as ridiculous and impossible. By raising the misidentification to doubt you are able to continue to love, and, ultimately, see that there actually can be no loss but rather an inclusion of everyone else. 

All relationships are tremendously helpful in bringing up the misidentification. Even though the bodies may not be together, being open and connected to true Self allows you to recognise that everyone is still joined in Love, sharing one Being or Self.

Gratitude be with everything that occurs in perception. Awakening is a going through the seeming darkness to the Light of Being, to see Light was all there ever was. We go together always, beyond words, to a higher communication, beyond all that was previously imagined.

You are coming to truly see that you are always joined no matter where you are, as the true Self has no distance being One. The quantum physicists like to call this entanglement or the unified field.

I remain with you in the Presence of Love that the One true Self! Come bathe and rest in this ocean of Love, it is all that truly matters!

Remember to laugh, Loved One. I love you!

❤ ❤ ❤

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